Life is never quite that simple
by anglobear1337
Summary: Cora, with the help of her maid, is recovering from the Spanish flu. What does life have in store for the pair?
1. Chapter 1

Sarah O'Brien paused for a second, inhaling a deep breath as her rough hand clasped the door handle to her mistresses room. The guilt which had planted itself in her very core had sprouted and grown like a rose bush, sprawling and twisting, growing monstrously around her heart and bones. Each thorn pierced her very soul, and with each thought of her Lady and the pain she'd been put to, the thorns constricted and pulled her down so she felt as though she were to drown in the guilt.

And as if with every glance at Cora Crawley, instead of allowing the vines of guilt to swallow her whole, she felt a small warming in her chest. With every cup of tea poured, with every pin placed carefully in her hair, with every small smile of comfort, with every second she was in her presence a small piece of the ever growing beast within her was hacked away.

She gently curled the door handle and stepped inside the Countess's dark room. She was slowly starting to recover from the illness she had been put to, the illness which had claimed so many, the illness which had also claimed the life of Matthews fiancé. The stench of death in the house had been crawling every corridor and up every doorframe. Sarah had been determined to stand guard beside her mistress, fighting away every attempted grasp for Cora's life. Death would have to get through her if he wanted Cora Crawley.

Sarah had awoken earlier than the rest of the downstairs staff, as she'd usually done since Cora had started her journey of recovery. When she'd been on the brink of death, she hadn't dared leave the room. Now that Cora was through the worst of it, she'd allowed Mrs Hughes to shuffle her back downstairs during the night. Sarah couldn't help but roll her eyes. She doubted the housekeeper cared for her at all, and it didn't really make much difference. Sarah left Cora's roomed well into the night, and returned again mere hours later in the early morning. The stress of it all was definitely taking its toll on her both physically and mentally. She was pale and rather thin looking, her eyes reddened and tired with creases, her hair slightly flatter than usual. It was the tiredness that seemed to be hitting her hardest, though to be fair during the long days sat at Cora's bedside she occasionally allowed her eyes to close in the silence, her ears perked for any sort of noise from the Countess.

She moved carefully across the room, her eyes flickering to the Countesses pale face which was engulfed in the soft pillows. A shadow of a smile appeared on Sarah's face at the sight of Cora's chest moving gently up and down. Weak as she was, she was alive and that's all Sarah needed at the moment. Dr Clarkson had insisted that her recovery would be gradual, but though she would need a lot of bed rest, she would in fact be back to her usual self in a couple of weeks.

Sarah moved to Cora's bedside, placing a rough hand gently on her forehead to feel her temperature. Warm, but considerably cooler than when she'd been in the fiery depths of fever. Sarah pulled her hand from Cora's head carefully and moved into the bathroom quietly. She retrieved a couple of clean cloths and returned to the bedroom, taking a seat next to the bed, reaching over and wiping away a few stray beads of sweat that had taken to Cora's fod. She was still so delicate and feeble... Sarah was half terrified that Cora's breath would suddenly cease, regardless of Dr Clarksons reassurance.

The touch of the cloth on her head seemed to have an effect on Cora, and Sarah pulled the cloth away quickly as the Countess stirred. She turned her head jerkily towards the source of the contact, and for the first time in days, those piercing icy eyes looked into her. A smile spread over Sarah's face and she leant in slightly as Cora blinked a few times through half open eyes.

"M'lady?"

"...O'Brien?" Cora's voice was hoarse, worse than Sarah had ever heard it even, but it filled her with such relief that she felt her heart swell.

"Good morning, M'lady," Sarah spoke softly. "How're you feelin'?"

Cora closed her eyes for a second, a small frown appearing. "Terrible..." she muttered, locking her eyes onto her maids. "What time is it?"

"Still early, m'lady... I'm sorry if I woke you."

Cora made a strange noise in the back if her throat, and made an attempt to shake her head. For a moment she just lay there, her eyes closed. Sarah watched her carefully, not daring to look away for a second.

"O'Brien...will you...help me with..." Cora shuffled slightly beneath the quilts, attempting to free herself from their confines. Sarah stood, pulling the quilts gently down to allow some air to Cora's arms and chest. Cora shifted slightly, as if trying to get comfortable before settling with a slight sigh.

"Is that better, m'lady?" Sarah asked, patting at the quilts. Cora nodded, a small smile curling her lips. She extended a thin, shakey hand to her maid, her eyes briefly glancing to it before returning to Sarah's face. Cora looked helplessly at the woman before her, and Sarah took Cora's hand in her own securely, sitting carefully back down on the chair beside the bed.

Cora inhaled deeply, a feeling of overwhelming fondness washing over her as she stared at her maid. Sarah glanced at their entwined hands, the feeling of relief in her chest growing every second.

"Thank you, O'Brien." She brushed a thumb over the back of Sarah's hand. Cora paused for a second, looking away almost shyly before looking up to Sarah's face, like a child to its mother. "Do you... Do you think this means... Am I to recover, now?" Sarah looked into Cora's pleading face, so desperate for reassurance and comfort. She felt her stomach twist. Cora was looking to her, Sarah O'Brien, a mere ladies maid, for reassurance. She gave Cora's hand a light squeeze, offering her a warm smile.

"Dr Clarkson has said you're through the worst of it... That you're to recover the next couple days. I'm sure you're going to be fine, m'lady." Cora's eyes softened at her words. "You just need to rest to get your strength back up, an' I'm here to make sure you do just that." Sarah risked a cheeky smirk, a risk which Cora seemed to take gladly and responded to with a faint grin. "You'll be back to your normal self in a couple of days."

"What would I do without you, my dear O'Brien?"

"I'm sure you'd be alright, m'lady."

"That's the thing, I don't think I would..." Cora turned her head into the pillow, tiredness taking ahold of her. She kept her eyes on O'Briens face.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, m'lady, don't you worry about that." And with one last squeeze, Cora's eyes slowly closed and she drifted back into a deep sleep, her hand staying firmly ahold of Sarah's. Sarah watched her for a few minutes, her heart aflutter with Cora's words. She would always be here for her, always. Nothing on this earth would tear her away from Cora.

Life of course, is never quite that simple.


	2. Chapter 2

Cora Crawley was gradually traveling up the path of recovery. It had been a couple of days since Dr Clarkson had told the family that she had managed to pass through the depths of illness and start her journey.

She felt as though the world was shut off to her. The only visitors she'd received were Robert, who had stayed only a couple of minutes, Edith, Mary(who'd both followed their fathers example), Dr Clarkson(obviously) and her dearest O'Brien, who still hardly left her side. The devotion her maid had displayed to her was overwhelming. How blessed was she to have such a loyal maid, and in her eyes, friend. O'Brien had been there right through the illness, staying through the night, going without sleep. She was a rock, and her mere presence made Cora feel as though she could take on anything in the world.

It had taken a while for their relationship to click, of course. The surly O'Brien, who Robert had taken a disliking to, had at first actually scared Cora. She was efficient in her work, which was always important, but she shuddered to think how it would feel being on the end of her razor sharp tongue. She'd witnessed O'Brien's waspishness only a few times, always towards sloppy footmen or disobedient maids, and Cora was sure O'Brien no doubt had a lot to say about Mrs Hughes during her cigarette breaks in the yard with Barrow. Always the professional.

Cora watched her maid from her bed, or rather her prison, as she tottered about the room, tidying about.

"... and if I may say so m'lady, I'm awfully glad that maid has gone. Alright worker, but... Perhaps not suitable to somewhere like Downton. I did say this to Mrs Hughes, but Mrs Hughes of course knows best."

Cora was only half listening as she watched the maid potter around the room. Simply having O'Brien around cheered her up, regardless of what she was chattering on about. O'Brien continued to move about the room. Cora sat up.

"O'Brien?"

O'Brien turned to face her and took a couple of strides towards the bed, looking the Countess over.

"M'lady? What is it? Are you al-"

"Yes, O'Brien, I'm quite fine... I just wondered whether you would help me get up?" She looked up at her maid hopefully. O'Brien paused for a second, but it was impossible for Cora to read her expression. She gave a small nod.

"Of course, m'lady."

Cora pulled her legs up to her chest as O'Brien pulled at the heavy quilts. The cool air hit Cora's legs as she shakily placed her feet on the soft carpeted floor. O'Brien was there, as always, to hold onto and Cora grasped her outstretched arm. The feeling of standing felt quite foreign to her. The illness had definitely weakened her more than she realised, and a small sharp gasp escaped her lips as her legs shook beneath her. Cora clung onto O'Brien desperately, sure that she was about to collapse in a pathetic heap.

"It's alright, m'lady... I've got you."

Cora felt O'Briens arm streak around her waist, pulling her securely to her side. Her muscles ached with the change of force, and her whole body trembled. She felt so weak and helpless... How ridiculous that she required O'Brien to help her simply stand! She breathed deeply and attempted to steady herself, her hands still clasped firmly to O'Brien.

"I'm sorry, O'Brien,'" she muttered as her eyes raked over the maids face. This was the closet they'd possibly ever been, and Cora couldn't help but notice the deep lines around O'Brien's shadowed eyes. They were usually so dark, Cora thought as, for a second, she simply studied them. On closer inspection, she discovered that they actually held a tiny dash of honeyed warmth. Perhaps this was a reflection of O'Briens whole demeanour... At first glance she was cold and dark, abrupt and unwelcoming. However, given the chance to be studied and understood, held another layer of depth that Cora found herself wanting to explore further.

O'Brien's eyes suddenly flickered to Cora's while she contemplated them, and Cora felt as if she'd been prying somewhere she shouldn't have. The sudden lock of their eyes held her still though, and she was unable to draw her gaze away. She felt her cheeks burn as O'Briens gaze bore into her own, and she tightened her grip on O'Briens arm as her stomach clenched in a sudden flurry she didn't understand.

"Is that better, m'lady?"

Cora nodded her head, the warmth of O'Briens breath tickling her cheek.

"Would you... Help me into the bathroom?" O'Brien nodded, and Cora felt herself being steered gently into the marble room. A small shiver ran down her spine as O'Brien perched her onto a chair and turned her attention to the bath. As she pulled away, Cora clung onto her hand, causing the smallest of frowns to crease O'Briens face. She flashed the Countess a small smile and squeezed her hand gently.

"It's alright, m'lady, I'm right here... I'm just gong to run a bath for you, alright?"

Cora returned the small smile, a flicker of embarrassment flashing across her face, and nodded. She clasped the back of the chair as O'Brien tended to the bath. She could feel her heart thumping in her chest as she watched O'Brien potter about, preparing towels and soap. Her eyes lingered on the floor, and for a second she was taken back to that afternoon all that time ago. She could sometimes swear the stench of blood continued to linger in here... God knows how O'Brien had scrubbed the place clean. Cora had learned later that O'Brien had insisted that she clean the mess up. Worried, Mrs Hughes had told the Countess weeks later that O'Brien had spent hours scrubbing the room, and spoken to no one, not even Thomas, for weeks afterwards. Dear O'Brien...

"Are you ready, m'lady?" Cora snapped back into the moment at O'Briens words. She saw her maids eyes flicker to the same spot, but she said nothing else, offering the Countess her hand. Cora took it, using O'Briens shoulder to steady herself.

"Thank you, O'Brien...so much." O'Brien flashed her a warm smile and began to undress her. She had her rock, her net, her saviour. Nothing, not the miscarriage, not Spanish flu, could defeat her while she had her Sarah O'Brien next to her.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a couple a weeks since Cora's illness, and though a slight wisp of the illness lingered, she was more or less back to her usual self. She thanked God each day for her life, and more specifically, her maid. Cora couldn't begin to think where she'd be if O'Brien hadn't been at her side through everything that had happened.

"The red one this evening, m'lady?" Came O'Briens voice from behind her. Cora's eyes flickered to her maid in the mirror.

"Yes, the red one I think... It's one of my favourites." O'Brien flashed her a smile in the mirror and lay the dress across the bed.

"Very beautiful it is, m'lady." Cora closed her eyes as she felt O'Briens fingers move between the locks of her hair and began pining it up into her usual style. Cora watched her through the mirror trying to catch a glimpse behind the shadow of O'Briens eyes. It seemed her maids state had improved just as much as her own. Though O'Brien still had a few tired lines streaked around her eyes, they were no were near as deep as they had been during Cora's illness. In fact, her whole face seemed... Lighter? Her scowl wasn't as thick, her mouth not as tight, her jaw not as clenched.

"You're looking much softer these days, O'Brien," she said, watching her maids reaction through the glass. She felt O'Briens hands pause their work on her hair, and for second she wondered if she'd crossed some sort of personal line. "I mean... Considering the last couple of weeks." There was a silent second when Cora felt as though she were standing on the edge of a cliff... It was broke suddenly though as O'Brien's gaze met hers in the mirror and the younger woman's thin mouth curled into a small smile.

"Well, thank you m'lady... I can relax just a little now that you're better." O'Brien continued her work on Cora's hair.

"Just a little?" Cora replied with a grin.

"Just a little." O'Brien finished on Cora's hair and the Countess stood up as her maid started to dress her. The two women were in silence for a moment, O'Brien's hands working expertly to wrap Cora in her corset. Cora steadied herself as she felt the other woman's fingers brush gently across the skin of her back, praying to God O'Brien didn't sense the tingling sparks shooting down her spine. What on earth was happening? Surely it wasn't the illness returning? She felt the corset enclose around her, and took the chance to give her head a quick shake when O'Brien turned her attention to the dress on the bed.

"If you would, m'lady?" Cora lifted her arms as O'Brien pulled the dress onto her, her experienced hands pulling the fabric down her waist and over her hips. Cora bit her lower lip as her stomach quivered at the gentle touch. O'Brien began to tug and pat at the dress, fixing its position here and there.

"Well, I am glad you're feeling better... I'm so grateful for everything, O'Brien, truly." She turned her head to look at her maid, catching the small smile on her face. Then there it was... That golden warm tinge in O'Briens eyes she'd been searching for before. She noted that their faces were, again, unusually close. She could almost feel O'Briens warmth enclosing around her, circling her and holding her still in that exact position. O'Briens expression was hard to read. Their eyes were snapped to each others, causing the rest of the world to blur and cease to exist. Then O'Brien spoke, and Cora's mind snapped back to reality.

"I'm just glad you're better, m'lady." She finished her fixing of the dress. "You did give me quite a scare though, I must say."

"I'm sorry," Cora said soppily, turning her gaze back to the mirror. She sat down, taking up a few pieces of jewellery and attaching them to her attire as O'Brien began to tidy up around the room. "But at least someone cared... I've yet to see much of the girls, especially since Sybil left for Ireland. And Robert..." She gave a sad sigh, but shook her head. O'Brien paused her tidying tentatively, glancing at the Countess through the mirror. The atmosphere in the room suddenly dropped, and Cora found herself regretting her words. She placed her head in her hands.

"Forgive me..."

O'Brien placed a hesitant hand on Cora's shoulder.

"It's alright, m'lady... I'm sure things will work themselves out." She dared an encouraging squeeze, and Cora streaked a hand up to clasp the one on her shoulder, almost desperately. Again, her rock. She flashed an apologetic smile at O'Brien through the mirror. She couldn't bring herself to say much else on the matter. The whole Robert issue totally exhausted her, and she found the idea of placing all the troubles of her relationship with her husband on her maids shoulders unforgivable. The idea of opening the wounds further, especially just before dinner...

There was a sudden knock at the door, and Cora felt O'Briens hand slip quickly from her shoulder.

"Are you ready, Mama?" It was Mary. "I thought we could walk down together." She gave O'Brien a bored nod.

"Will that be all, m'lady?"

"Thank you, O'Brien."

O'Brien returned the small nod to Mary and left through the door. Cora watched her go, a feeling of utter emptiness washing over her. She supposed tonight she would have to do battle in the dining room alone. She glanced briefly at Mary, who had taken to walking down to dinner with her mother, in mostly silence, since her illness. Cora presumed it was Mary's way of shifting the guilt of not visiting her mother during her recovery.

"Let's not keep your father and the others waiting."

The pair made their way downstairs into the drawing room, Cora wanting nothing more than to return to her room and call for her maid.

Let the night begin...


	4. Chapter 4

"You seem to have returned to your normal self, Cousin Cora." came Isobel's voice from across the dinner table. Cora's eyes snapped away from the glass her mind had been sinking into. She'd found her mind wandering right through the meal, unable to truly involve herself in the conversations flipping between her family. She had become quite an expert at plastering a mask over her face... So many years of these gatherings had taught her well. Smile and nod every now and then, usually she could float through a dinner unscathed. The likes of Isobel though, seemed to be able to detect a detached mind a whole mile away.

"Thank you, I think it's safe to say I'm out of the woods now." She flashed a pleasant smile across the table at the older woman.

"I'm glad... How is Miss O'Brien? Matthew tells me she refused to shift from your side for weeks!"

"Quite true. I'm not sure what I'd have done without her." Cora glanced at Robert, who dropped his gaze to his place and continued as if he hadn't heard a single word. A spark of anger shot through her. After everything O'Brien had done, and Robert still could not bring himself to like the woman. She fought hard not to allow the scowl brewing behind her mask show on her face. Where had he been when she was ill, thinking death was at her bedroom door? Hidden away with one of the housemaids! Stop it.

She put her glass to her mouth quickly. This wasn't the time to think about that, not here at the dinner table. She could feel her cheeks warming... She needed a distraction, so etching to change her path of thinking.

"I'm thinking of going to Ripon, tomorrow," she said, as pleasantly as possible. "I'm in need of a few things from the village, it might do me good to get some fresh air."

"No." Cora was unable to hide the frown from her face as her eyes snapped onto her husband, who had drawn the attention of everyone at the table.

"Papa?" Mary broke the uncomfortable silence that had descended upon the table, her expression matching Cora's.

"I said no." Robert shifted in his seat slightly, putting his glass to his lips for a second. Cora watched him, almost completely stupefied.

"Robert, I think you ought to inform them." Robert shot Matthew a dark look across the table, placing his cup back on the table. For a second he said nothing. Cora could see his brain ticking furiously, torn between telling them the issue and taking instruction from Matthew. He gave a small sigh.

"I was hoping to not worry any of you," Again, another dark look was sent Matthew's way. "But I would never forgive myself should something happen." Cora could almost hear every heart beating through the silence in the room. "I had a visit today from a police officer today. He informed me that there's been breakout from one of the institutions in one of the villages, not far from here. He tells me the man who has escaped is to be considered a great danger to everyone in the area." Every single pair of eyes were locked on him as he spoke. "So no, Cora, you aren't going to Ripon, not alone anyway. Matthew and I are busy tomorrow, so nobody is to go anywhere without speaking to me first." The firmness in his voice made the hairs on Cora's neck stand up. "Do you hear?"

She tried to keep her face as neutral as possible, the attention of the room now turning to her. She felt like a naughty child being scolded in front of the whole school, and it made her want to scream in his face. She gave a small nod, pleading desperately to herself to cease the burning of her cheeks.

"Yes."

How she got through the rest of the dinner, she'll never know, and before she knew it, she was bidding good night and climbing the stairs. Robert had given her a grunt, then turned his attention back to his conversation with Matthew. She found herself almost trembling as she closed the door to her bedroom, almost running to the bell to call for O'Brien.

What had happened between them? What had she done for him to distance himself so greatly? Surely it ought to be her giving him the cold shoulder? She hadn't had a fling with a member of the staff while he'd been dying of illness, had she? She hadn't slept with the maid, had she?! She growled in anger, sitting at the dressing table and putting her face in her hands.

"M'lady?" Cora almost jumped out her skin as her O'Brien moved behind her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you come in, O'Brien." Cora sat up, trying to regain her composure. She glanced at her maid through the mirror, but dropped it instantly. She was on the brink of crumbling, and she knew one tender look from her maid would push her over the edge. She started to take off her jewellery as O'Brien made for the pins in her hair. They were in silence for a few minutes, Cora closing her eyes at the feeling of O'Brien's fingers soothingly running over her scalp and through her hair.

"Are you alright, m'lady?" O'Brien asked quietly. Cora glanced up, O'Brien's gaze softly watching her through the mirror.

"Yes, thank you O'Brien." The sympathetic tones in O'Brien's voice made Cora physically quiver. She stood up as O'Brien began to pull the dress off her, every second the emotion threatening to brew over and completely engulf her. She could feel her eyes starting to burn as she turned to face O'Brien so she could prepare her for bed.

"No." O'Brien looked up quickly, honeyed eyes creasing as Cora brought a hand to her face.

And she broke.

The tears fell down her face, her shoulders trembled and a sob escaped her lips.

"Oh, m'lady..." She felt O'Briens arms tenderly embrace her, and she melted into her. There they stood, attached and connected, Cora's sobs being softened with every stroke of her hair. She felt so safe and protected, O'Briens comforting words brushing away the anger and frustration she'd felt moments before.

"There, there..." O'Brien cooed, steering Cora towards the bed and sitting them both down on the edge. Her hand stroked gently down Cora's back, and the Countess settled her head on O'Briens shoulder. Slowly through the occasional sob, Cora filled O'Brien in about the dinner. She said nothing when Cora first finished, and continued her comforting motions down her spine.

"I'm sure his Lordship just wants the best for you, m'lady. He just wants to keep you safe." Cora didn't reply, another tear rolling down her face. "It'll be alright, m'lady. Things have a way of working themselves out." O'Brien gently wiped the stray tear escaping down her face away, and Cora couldn't help but seek out O'Brien's eyes, now brimming with warmth and... Something Cora couldn't quite describe. She gave her a sloppy smile, her cheeks flushing in the warmth of O'Briens breath.

"Oh Sarah... What would I do without you?" The mention of her Christian name seemed to set something ablaze in O'Briens eyes, and Cora felt herself being drawn closer to her. The heat between them increased dramatically, and Cora could feel her stomach clenching, her heart rate increasing. The evening blurred, and she moved closer, inch by inch. She could feel O'Briens whole being mingling with her own. Her lips were slightly parted, her breathing quickening. The draw to her was magnetic and inevitable...

"M'lady..." The spell was shattered as O'Brien got to her feet. Cora could feel her soul cracking within her, dread filling her up like cold water. "We can't... You have too much to loose. I can't let you risk everything for this."

Panic filled Cora's core, and she sat numbly on the bed. All her security walls had crashed around her in the space of a few seconds.

"Sarah... I..." She could feel the tears prickling at her eyes again and she stood up, taking O'Briens hand in her own. "You are... I need you with me, you're part of my very being... I think I..."

"M'lady... This world is not for us... You have your life, and I mine. In another time, another place..." Sarah looked away, tears falling down her cheek. Cora placed a trembling hand on Sarah's face, joining their foreheads together. Both women stood there, tears falling in unison.

Sarah said nothing else, copying Cora's gesture and placing a hand gently on Cora's face. She pulled away carefully, pausing for a second before opening door and disappearing into the corridor.

Cora sunk onto the bed, her hands trembling. The unfairness of it all came crashing down around her. The person to soothe everything was just there, within her grasp, and yet there was no way of penetrating the sheer reality of their situation. Sarah was right... And it made her want to crumble.


	5. Chapter 5

Cora drew her arms around herself, a wave of cold loneliness washing over her. She stood in her room, watching out of the tall window over the Downton grounds. A few days had passed since the evening with O'Brien, and she found herself regretting the whole night. Not because of her feelings, but because an invisible barrier had been constructed between them, and they were both struggling to get round it. Their meetings since that night had been awkward, and Cora felt more distanced from her maid than she'd ever felt from anyone in her life.

If she thought she felt bad on that night, it was nothing compared to this. Cora had made a feeble attempt to talk to O'Brien about their conversation, but she'd been met with a cold reluctance. And even worse, Cora had noticed, her maids eyes had darkened and retreated into their shadowy depths again. Oh, what had she done? The one person in her life she truly needed, and she'd chased her away. She closed her eyes and pressed a hand to her forehead. Perhaps O'Brien just needed time? Oh god, she hoped that was just it.

There was a sudden knock on the bedroom door, and she turned from the window, folding her arms across her chest. A small frown creased her face.

"Yes?"

There was a pause, and then the door opened silently. There she was. Sarah O'Brien. Cora watched as she closed the door behind her, noting the distance she was keeping from her straight away. They stood in silence for a second. Cora felt her heart rate increase dramatically. O'Briens face was completely unreadable, and Cora felt herself growing smaller and smaller with every second they held each others gaze.

"I'm sorry if I've interrupted you, m'lady," Cora held herself still. She was torn between irritation and great sadness - O'Brien knew she wouldn't be interrupting anything at this time of day. This was the time they'd both be here, or taking a walk in the grounds, sorting dresses out for that week, gossiping about the goings on of downstairs. She knew Cora wouldn't be up to anything of great importance right now.

She felt her cheeks start to burn at the thought. No... O'Brien was simply following the rules of her role. She shook her head, her voice suddenly lost in the tightening of her throat. She watched O'Brien carefully, terrified of the monstrous feeling swirling in her chest.

"I was wondering if I could have a quick word with you, m'lady..." O'Brien suddenly looked uncomfortable, and Cora noticed her gaze flickering away. "... About what happened... The other night."

Cora held herself tighter, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She inhaled deeply.

"Okay." she breathed, trying her best not to show the bubbling emotion brewing within her. A million thoughts shot through her mind in that second, all as wild and ridiculous as the previous one.

"I think it may be best if..." O'Brien swallowed hard, and Cora felt her stomach churn. "... If I left Downton."

O'Brien might as well have slapped her across the face. Her breath left her as O'Briens words came crashing down all over her, piercing her very skin. O'Brien wanted to leave her... She was going to be alone. The beast in her chest was let loose and ripped through in, escaping from her throat in a choked sob. She could feel her composure cracking.

"No," she shook her head, moving quickly towards the bed. Her legs gave way and she sat on the edge, her back to O'Brien who was stood in silence. "You want to leave Downton? Leave me?"

"It's for the best... We cannot carry on like this. It's not fair on you, it's not fair on anyone..." O'Briens voice was hoarse but quiet. Cora heard muffled footsteps moving towards her, standing beside the bed. "I can't..." O'Brien sat down on the bed next to her, head lowered as if trying to hide her face. "It's not fair."

Cora turned to look at her maid through her tear filled eyes. She wiped her face quickly, but to no avail. The tears continued to fall.

"Please don't leave me." she whispered through sobs. "It won't be for the best... I need you here with me... I would be lost without you." O'Brien looked up shakily, her own eyes reddened with tears. Cora placed a tentative hand on O'Briens and their fingers entwined gently. "I couldn't survive without you..." O'Briens eyes had softened. The heat from the other night was back, drawing them in again. The intensity of it all seemed so much thicker than before, and the magnetic pull between both sets of lips was causing them to move closer and closer. Cora's eyes suddenly felt heavy with heat, and they closed completely when she felt O'Briens hand on her cheek. "Oh, darling..." And their lips met. The whole world washed away, it was just the two of them and nothing could ever matter ever again. Every touch brought them hurtling even closer together, and Cora thought her heart was going to physically melt within her. After a minute they pulled away, leaving an inch between them. Cora smiled, exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster she'd traveled on. "I do love you so." she whispered, leaning into O'Briens shoulder and restyling her head there.

"And I you, m'lady." O'Briens arms curled round her into an embrace, and together they sat wrapped in each others arms.


	6. Chapter 6

xxxxx Life had become lighter and easier, Cora thought, since the union of hers and O'Briens feelings. The barrier that had previously blocked them from each had been bulldozed when their lips had met and their tongues had danced, confessing their love for each other. Their encounters since had been full of warmth and utter adoration, light kisses between each changing of a dress, deep glances through the mirror and long embraces before the day was out.

There was, however, a different kind of barrier that had silently risen between them, and it ran deeper than the previous. No matter how many kisses, looks or embraces they shared, they would never be free to express their love for each other. They could never walk the grounds holding hands, they could never sit together over a cup of tea, they could never sit beside each other at a dinner table, they would never dance together in a ball room. They would never be equals, destined forever to be Lady and maid.

"Thank you, my darling." She felt O'Brien smile as she leant in and kissed her gently. They were in Cora's bedroom, preparing for a much dreaded dinner that evening. O'Brien moved behind her, fastening the last clasps on Cora's corset. Cora hummed pleasantly as she felt O'Brien's lips brush across her neck, her hand lingering on her hips.

"How I wish I could just stay up here with you..." Cora muttered, leaning back as O'Brien surrounded her in a gentle embrace. "Instead I'm going to be stuck in that damned dinner."

O'Brien chuckled lightly, resting her chin on Cora's shoulder. "It's only for a little while... and I'll be up as soon as you're done."

"I don't want to go a single second without you." O'Brien's arms tightened around her. They stood for a second, simply holding each other. "I think I'm going to make an early escape."

"How very daring of you." O'Brien smirked, gently pulling away from the Countess and moving towards the bed where Cora's gown was placed.

"I mean it, I'll say I'm not feeling too well and make my exit... You make your escape from downstairs, meet me by the stairs and there you go! We can have our own little evening together!" Cora turned excitedly to O'Brien, obviously very pleased with her plan. O'Brien couldn't help but laugh at her child-like enthusiasm. "What do you say?"

"It sounds like a plan." O'Brien leant over the bed, picking up a creme dress. "This one?"

Cora nodded, turning so O'Brien could pull it over her head. "I thought I'd go for a lighter colour tonight." O'Brien finished up, taking a step back to admire her work. "How do I do?" Cora asked, turning to face her.

"Beautiful..." O'Brien whispered, stepping forward and taking Cora's hand in her own. She brought it up to her lips and planted a kiss on her knuckles. They shared one last kiss before they parted ways - O'Brien downstairs and Cora to the dining room.

The main course plates had barely touched the table when, as planned, Cora made her excuses to the family.

"I'm afraid I'm not feeling too well," she'd said to them. They bade her good night, and she took her leave into the main hall. And sure enough, there she was, as promised, stood waiting for her just outside the door.

"Good evening, m'lady." O'Brien said with a small smirk.

"Good evening, O'Brien. I'm glad you're here... I'm afraid I don't feel too well. Could you help me up stairs?"

"Of course, m'lady." O'Brien offered up her arm, and Cora took it as they made their way towards the stair case.

"Where you waiting long?" Cora muttered under her breath. The household was occupied elsewhere, be it in the dining room or downstairs, but she dare not risk a single ear over hearing them.

"No, m'lady... Only a couple of minutes." They reached the bottom steps, and suddenly there was a whole load of commotion coming from the servants staircase leading up stairs. Cora turned to face the corridor the noise was coming from. They weren't usually this loud when preparing a dinner, were they? She glanced at O'Brien, who had a frown on her face and who was also staring down the corridor in confusion. There was a muffled yell, followed by a series of banging and smashing. Then suddenly, a door flew open, and out came crashing an unshaven, unkept beast of a man, covered in rags and filth.

Everything in that moment froze, his yellowed, monstrous eyes landing on Cora and O'Brien who were stood at the foot of the stairs in shock. Cora's mind seemed to stop and she registered the sight of him, the sound of yelling from downstairs vaguely heard. Then as if someone had pressed play, in slow motion, he moved towards them. Cora couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. She felt O'Brien slip from beside her. She took a as step in front of her, pushing her firmly backwards. Cora felt herself stumble from O'Briens touch, landing half on the stairs.

And then a noise, the most terrible noise Cora had ever heard ripped through the air, not once, but three times. A gun. An eery silence fell upon the hall for a second, and Cora felt a small splatter of liquid on her face. Her heart thumped in her chest and her brain tried to tick back into gear. There was a scuffle going in the corner of her eye, and the door to the dining room had been opened. She spotted Thomas and Bates wrestling with the man, who was now securely on to floor, the gun kicked out of his reach. There were various faced behind them, all frozen with horror. Carson had come from the dining room, yelling something Cora couldn't hear. And there was Robert, stood shell shocked in the door way, Mary, Edith, Matthew and Isobel all following, their faces holding that identical look of terror.

But it was not them who Cora's gaze was latched upon. Ice trickled down her back as she raised a trembling hand to her face to inspect the liquid that was now there. She felt her stomach lurch as the crimson liquid rolled down her fingers, dripping onto the folds of her creme dress. Her hearing distorted, she could make out yelling and muffled shouts, but even they seemed to drown out as her vision blurred, latching onto the sight before her.

O'Brien was on the floor, crumpled against the stairs. Her head had fallen back, and one hand was clasped over her stomach. Cora couldn't breath, she wasn't entirely sure what had actually happened. Her chest, everything was still moving in slow motion. Her limbs felt like lead, but they were somehow dragging her towards the fallen maid, her fingers grabbing at her black dress desperately.

"O'Brien!" She pulled herself beside her maid, whose eyes had met her own. Her breathing was ragged and sharp, and as Cora placed her hand over O'Briens, she felt a warm, sickly liquid spread over her maids torso. Panic spread over her like wild fire, igniting every particle of her being as the floor below them reddened. "O'BRIEN!"


	7. Chapter 7

"O'BRIEN!"

The whole world stood still, and she felt as though every part of her was going to cave in and collapse under the building dread in her heart. The floor had become increasingly moist, and cold could feel the liquid on her knees as she knelt at O'Briens head, which was on her map. The shock of the situation still hung in the air, and it was only Cora's scream for help which seemed to awaken everyone to the reality of what had happened. It was Thomas and Isobel who bounced forward first. Isobel's face was full of determination, her mind trained(from her past as a nurse) to see past the shock and get to work straight away. Thomas was pale and terrified. His lip trembled at the sight at the one so proud woman. The last few month had not been kind to their friendship, but it all seemed to disappear as he knelt beside her.

"Keep him back!" he called over his shoulder, and Carson and Bates grabbed Alfred, who seemed to be stooping into hysterics at the sight of his aunt.

"We need to get Miss O'Brien to the hospital straight away!" Isobel's voice was calm but firm. "Edith can you bring the car

around? Anna, fetch me some clean towels! And Mary, phone ahead to Dr Clarkson and explain what's happened. Tell him to prepare for surgery!"

Cora couldn't align her brain. Everything was out of sync, causing(if possible) her panic to grow. But Isobel voice came through the fog, pulling her back to the earth and shoving the current situation under her nose. For all of their history, Cora would be forever grateful to Isobel. She was lost and clueless, a slave to shock and confusion, and she was therefore happy for Isobel to take charge.

Anna returned mere minutes later, several towels clutched in her shaking hands. She handed them over to Isobel, who applied them to what Cora guessed as the source of the flow of blood.

"The car is ready, Mrs Crawley! Edith is waiting outside!" With that and Isobel's instruction, Thomas slipped his arms under O'Briens frame and slowly carried her out. Cora remained attached to O'Briens hand as they made their way to the waiting car. Cora suddenly felt a strong hand grab her shoulder.

"Let them take her," came Roberts voice, and he attempted to pulled his wife back.

"Get off!" she hissed, ragging herself from his grip. Rage surged through her like venom. Still, still, still! Always controlling her! She almost growled to herself. He would not be keeping her from being at O'Briens side! Not now, not ever!

"Cora!" She ignored him, heaving herself into the back of the car. Thomas then steadily entered with O'Brien, followed by Isobel. She slammed the door shut, and Edith put her foot down. Cora craddled O'Briens heads on her lap, placing a shaking hand on her face. The touch seemed to shake her, and her previously half closed eyes opened, their gazes meeting. The look behind O'Briens eyes terrified Cora more than any amount of blood ever could. Her brain felt so frazzled that she couldn't analyse the look. She ran her thumb across O'Briens cheek, tears rolling down her chin and falling on her bloodied dress. O'Briens breathing was ragged and strained, her face was pale and hollow.

"M'lady..." she croaked between short intakes of air.

"Shh, shhh, it's alright," Cora lowered her head to O'Briens, trying to restrain the sobs that were ready to burst from her. She was certainly no medical expert, but the amount of blood that had flowed from O'Briens wounds was not promising. No, no! She was going to be alright... They were going to get to Dr Clarkson and he was going to make everything alright. She glanced helplessly at Isobel, whose gaze was dark and... Discouraging? She choked back a sob, looking back to O'Brien.

"You keep those eyes on me, do you understand?" O'Briens voice seemed to have failed her, and she gave the tiniest inclination of her head to show she'd understood. "You're not gong anywhere." Cora's voice was but a whisper, her grip on O'Briens hand tightening.

The car screeched to a halt, and the door flung open with Dr Clarkson waiting for them. Isobel leapt out, turning to help Thomas awkwardly manoeuvre O'Briens body from the car. He and Dr Clarkson carried her hurriedly down to path and into the already open doors of the hospital. Cora clambered from the car with trembling legs, running to keep up with them.

Dr Clarkson had obviously received Mary's telephone call, as there was a nurse waiting beside the bed Thomas gently lay O'Brien on. Cora could feel her throat tightening and her eyes burning with more tears at the sight of O'Brien sprawled on the bed. She was helpless and bleeding and... Isobel suddenly appeared in front of her.

"It may be best if you both stood out- "

"No, no I'm not going anywhere-" Thomas started. Edith appeared at Cora's side.

"Mama, maybe we should leave Dr Clarkson to-"

"Mrs Crawley! I need you!" Isobel suddenly left them stood there, taking to one side of the bed. Cora felt Edith's hand on her arm. Her, Edith and Thomas stood watching as they worked on O'Brien. The bedsheets were streaked with crimson, and there were pieces of medical equipment flying everywhere. There was a muffled cry from behind all of the bloodied hands, and Cora instinctively pushed forward, grasping hold of the end of the bed. Through the tangle of working hands she caught O'Briens gaze. Both sets of eyes, tear stained and raw, met in a split second of desperation. There was a hint of fear flecked in them, but as their gaze lingered, Cora knew exactly what was behind them. No words were needed for both women to understand the message they were both sending each other, and Cora clung onto the bedpost even tighter. I love you.

And then, as if the air in the room had been vacuumed out, and ice had snaked into her lungs, the warmth behind O'Briens eyes faded away. Her hand fell loose to her side, and her chest ceased to move. Dr Clarkson called out her name, his hands moving frantically. And then there was a sudden stillness, and all working hands ceased their work. The silence was like a pillow over the whole room, and Cora thought she was going to suffocate and Dr Clarkson reached out and finger, placing it gently on O'Briens neck. He pulled it away, turning to Isobel and shaking his head. She closed her eyes for a second, looking over to Cora and Thomas.

"I'm sorry."

And that was it. Her whole world fell crashing around her in bloodied little pieces. The suffocating feeling pressed down on her whole being, crushing her very soul into nothing. Every part of her turned to ice, every particle freezing over and piercing her agonisingly. Her whole life drained of colour and any sort of emotion, any feeling of safety and happiness she'd ever felt was as dead as O'Briens lifeless body lying bloodied and defeated on the bed.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mama...?"

Edith's terrified voice didn't even enter her consciousness. Her eyes remained locked on the body of her maid, cold and empty. Cora's hand stayed clutched around the now still end of the bed. She become aware that her breath was held, her lungs crumpling in her chest and it was only her body screaming in protest that caused her to inhale a choked breath. Everyone had slowly vacated the bedside, deciding to leave Cora for a few minutes with O'Brien. The time hadn't registered, she hadn't even noticed that she'd been stood at the foot of the bed for more than a few minutes.

"Mama, it's time to go home..."

She was in such a state of utter numbness that she didn't resist against Edith's pull, guiding her from the room. She stopped by the door, turning to look back at the bloodied shell left helplessly on the crimson stained bed. O'Briens eyes were open, staring blankly into nothingness. Cora turned sharply back into the room, pulled her arm free of Edith's grasp. She moved to the side of the bed, the irony stench of blood stinging her eyes and throat. Her breath caught in her chest as she slowly raised a trembling hand and pressed a blood stained finger on each of her eyes lids. There was no light, no warmth, no honeyed flecks looking back. They were pools of complete emptiness, black and frozen. A sob escaped her as she covered them with pale eyelids.

"I'm sorry, my darling, I'm sorry," she whispered through her crying. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She quickly grabbed a cold, lifeless hand and put it to her lips. The tears flowed down her face as she tried to digest every last second that she had left to physically feel O'Brien's hands before she was gone forever. She ran her fingers over O'Briens rough, experienced tips. There were indents and small scars littered all over them... What had caused them? What was the story behind them? She couldn't believe she'd never thought to ask, and now... Now she'd never haver the chance to ask.

She pressed her lips against the back of O'Briens hand, allowing them to linger for a few moments before pulling away and placing O'Brien's hands actress her stomach.

"Mama, come on," Edith's hand pulled at her shoulder, and she reallowed herself to be steered away and seated into the car. The journey was silent, and Cora could feel Edith glancing nervously at her through the mirror. Thomas was staring out the window, lost in his mind.

They pulled up outside the Abbey to be greeted by Carson at the front door, which was wide open. Edith parked the car up, and Carson opened the door for them. Cora got out, the numbness surrounding her in a glass case and putting a barrier between her and the many eyes that were waiting in the hall. There was Robert, Matthew and Mary, and many faces from downstairs. She was aware they were all watching her in silence, their eyes raking over her blood stained dress. The glass barrier prevented her from caring and like a ghost, ignoring every single one of them, she made for the staircase.

"Cora?" it sounded like Robert. She carried on climbing, finally reaching the top. She made for the safety of her room, closing the door and robotically making her way to the dressing table. She stood starting in the mirror, her eyes lingering on the darkened stains of blood plastered all over her creme dress. Creme. Why had she insisted on creme? Why not a darker colour so the blood wouldn't stand out so much? She ran her fingers over the stains, where O'Briens touch had previously traced when she'd been dressing her earlier on. She moved end over to a cupboard in the corner of the room, taking out a bottle of scotch that she and O'Brien had hidden in there a few weeks previous.

The door of the room opened unsteadily and she returned to her position at the dressing table. She poured a generous amount of drink into her glass, taking in to her lips and swigging it down desperately.

"Cora?" It was Robert. "Darling?" She kept her back to him, taking another sip of liquid. "Are you alright? What happened?" His voice was quiet and soft. She said nothing, placing the glass on the dressing table. She couldn't do this, she couldn't speak to him, she couldn't look at him. They stood in silence, the atmosphere as cold as O'Briens now dead hands.

"I am sorry, Cora, truly."

"Leave me, Robert... Please." Her voice was hardly a whisper. She needed him gone, she needed her solitude. She could feel the heat of rage bubbling inside of her, and she knew she would be unable to contain it.

"Cora..."

"Leave, Robert." She took another swig. He just stood there, lost for words, torn between granting her the request of solace and wanting to be there for his wife. The rage within her bubbled dangerously. Then, she snapped. "Get out, get out, GET OUT!" She clasped threw the glass in her hand and it shattered against the wall. "GET OUT!" Robert flinched at the shattering of the glass, stepping behind the door

He gave his wife a last hopeless glance before disappearing into the hall. She strode to the door, locking it tightly to prevent anyone else entering. Returning to the dressing table, Cora grabbed the bottle of scotch and took a swig. She clasped it tightly, putting her free hand to her head. She tried to control her breathing as she began to tremble, her whole body shaking. She could feel herself unraveling, breaking, crumbling. The foundations of her whole being were cracking, and she sunk to her knees, crying uncontrollably. Her shoulders heaved and her chest felt as though it were about to implode. She fell back against the wood of the bed, curling her legs up to her chest as the sobs flooded hysterically from her mouth.

Her brain ceased to work, and she felt left like she was drowning. O'Brien, her O'Brien, was gone forever. She'd been taken by some lunatic, and because she, Cora, had wanted an early night from dinner with her family, O'Brien had lost her life. Wrong place at the wrong time... She'd pushed her out the line of fire. It should be her lying dead in a hospital bed, her body riddled with bullets and blood and ripped flesh. But O'Brien, ever loyal, ever faithful, ever strong, had given her life, risked everything and lost. And Cora, crumpled on the floor, sobbing into the bottle of scotch, covered in O'Briens blood, had watched as her whole world collapsed and drained away.


	9. Chapter 9

Every second felt like decades, every day a whole eternity. Cora had lost track of all sense of real time, and so she had no idea how long it had been since she'd last ventured from the seclusion of her room. Only once had she faced anybody since the night O'Brien had slipped away, and that had been Mrs Hughes who'd come to dress her in her black gowns for O'Briens funeral. The whole event had been a blur, with very little people in attendance. She was still encased in a wall of glass, unable to converse or even look directly at anyone in the face. Thankfully, she had mostly been left to sit and stare blankly through the service before hurrying back to Downton and retreating behind the locked door of her bedroom. There had been a couple of knocks since, but she'd ignored every single one of them, sitting with the curtain drawn, bottle of scotch in hand.

The glass she'd thrown after the outburst with Robert was still shattered on the floor, untouched and uncleaned. The bottle of scotch was now empty, standing on the dressing table. Cora rooted through the cupboards, hoping to come across another one that O'Brien had perhaps stashed away for emergencies. She pulled the contents of the cupboards onto the bedroom floor in her search, annoyance rising in her like fire. She stumbled towards the door, pausing for a second. She was torn between her reluctance to talk to anyone and her want of the liquid which blurred the lines of her grief. She glanced at the clock... 2 O'clock. Her eyes flickered to the curtains, detecting no signs sun light. Perfect. The night would prove an effective veil as she made her way through the house. She unlocked the door and pulled it open quietly, heading for the door that lead to the servants staircase. She carefully made her way down the stairs, the darkness comforting her through her journey.

The servants hall seemed deserted, so she relaxed slightly as she crept down the corridor towards the room she knew Carson kept the precious bottles of drink. Carson's furious face suddenly appeared in her mind as she opened the cupboard. She snorted silently. This was HER house and it was HER money that bought every single bottle in this damned room. If she wanted a bottle of scotch, she would bloody well help herself! She found herself a large bottle of amber liquid and pulled it out, clanging it against another bottle in her heist. Clutched tightly to her chest, she left the room and stepped back into corridor, only to freeze at the sight of a tall shape stood in the servants hall. The cigarette smoking through his fingers gave him away straight away. Thomas.

Even through the darkness, Cora could feel his eyes raking over her and lingering on the bottle clutched in her hand. He brought the cigarette up to his lips and turned away from her. The quiet scrape of wood told her he'd taken a seat at the table. She peered into the hall, her eyes drawn to the table were he'd set up his night. There was a small candle beside an ashtray, giving a small amount of light off from its tiny flickering flame. Thomas said nothing, but his eyes remained on her through the orange glaze. Cora moved towards the table, placing the bottle carefully on the surface. She disappeared for a second, returning a minute later with two glasses in her hand. She put them on the table and filled them both with the amber liquid in silence. She pushed a glass towards him, picking her own up and watching him carefully. For a second he didn't move, and his eyes moved carefully from her to the glass in front of him. Slowly, he picked it up. There was no need for words as they both raised their glasses, then swigged the scotch back. Then without anything else, Cora picked up the bottle and turned away from him. She didn't look back at him as she crept back up the staircase and back into the safety of her room.

Cora locked the door behind her, pouring another drink quickly. She'd forgotten about Thomas... He was after all, O'Brien's friend. It must of hit him hard, and his mind was obviously deeply occupied.

She continued to pour the drinks, every sip fogging her brain more and more. She knew her drunken state was worsening, but she didn't care. She pushed the glass to her lips, some of the drink sloshing down her front. She fell against the wall, sliding down into a drunken heap on the floor.

"Oh, Sarah, where are you?" She slurred, tears running down her cheek. "Please come home, my darling... Please..." Her hand fell to her side and the glass rolled across the floor. Her sight darkened, and she felt the heaviness of sleep pressing down on her. A last sob escaped her lips, and she succumbed to blackness.

The air was cool and soothing on her skin, but there was a pleasant warmth to it, like she was laying in a ray of pure sunlight on an autumn morning. Her eyes flickered open to see that she was no longer in her darkened room, but instead she was on the floor of the hall, a few metres away from the staircase. She blinked a few times, confusion sweeping over her as she sat up. There was a slightly orange hue to the room, making it feel warm and cozy. The light from outside was bursting through the windows, causing Cora blink again. How on earth had she managed to get down here? And why was her head not banging with a hangover? In fact, she felt fresh and clean... Perhaps the best she'd felt since that terrible night. She pushed herself to her feet, staring around in the complete silence. It unnerved her slightly. Never had this part of the house been so quiet. It was as though she was the only person in the world capable of making noise. She peered around carefully, a small shiver running down her spine. Then a voice cut through the silence, and she spun round to face the staircase.

"Hello, Cora."

And there she was. Clean, groomed, healthy. There were no bullet holes, no blood, no greying skin, no touch of death. Sarah O'Brien. There was a glow around her, her face was full and plump, her hair soft and neatly styled. She stood on the staircase, her hand on the bannister. The corners of her mouth were curled into a tiny smile as she watched Cora, who was stood in complete shock, staring at her through tearful eyes.

"S... Sarah?" Her hand went up to her mouth as a choked sob escaped her. She must be dreaming, she must be dead. She couldn't understand how this was happening. Sarah took a gentle, silent step towards her, placing a warm hand on Cora's cheek. They stood staring at her other, Cora desperately trying to cease the flow of tears that was streaming down her face. She extended her own hand, her fingers hesitantly reaching out to touch Sarah's face, as if to check she was real. An amused chuckle came from O'Briens mouth, and she pulled her own hand away from Cora's face, placing it instead over Cora's hand.

"Am I dreaming?" Cora whispered, her eyes raking over Sarah's face.

"Something like that." Sarah mused. Cora dropped her hand from Sarah's face, and placed it instead on her shoulder.

"Where are we?"

"Looks like Downton, to me."

A smile shone across Sarah's face. It was the most beautiful smile Cora had ever seen. In fact... She had never seen Sarah look so beautiful in all the time she'd known her.

"But you're... You were shot..."

Sarah paused for a second. "I am... And I was."

Cora stared at her, noticing that the warm, honeyed glaze that was previously so unusual to see behind Sarah's eyes was bursting forward from every inch of them. They were projecting complete warmth, with not a single hint of shadow or pain or darkness.

"Are we in..."

"Not exactly." Sarah dropped her gaze for a moment, as if contemplating her words carefully. "There's something I need to do before I... Go on. Something I need to tell you. Because of the way I died, I've been given a chance to fix what I've done wrong. And by fix, I mean... Seek forgiveness."

Cora stared, Sarah's words swirling around in her head. Sarah turned away from her, placing her hand on the bannister again. She put a hand to her fod, a troubled sigh escaping. She turned back to face Cora, no longer smiling.

"That afternoon, when you slipped in the bathroom, when you... Lost your son," A shiver ran down Cora spine, as the memories of her fall flashed in her head. "It was my fault. I didn't pick the other part of the soap up, I didn't help you out the bathtub, I didn't protect you like I should have-"

Cora moved towards Sarah, taking one of her hands in her own and placing the other on Sarah's cheek.

"My darling, stop. It was an accident, I have never blamed you for what happened." A stray tear rolled down Sarah's cheek, and she used her thumb to brush it away. "I shouldn't have got out of the bath without you there, you told me the soap was under the bath, you-" She stopped, the memories of the fall becoming more and more painful with every word. "Please, please don't think I have ever blamed you for what happened, and I never will." Cora slid an arm around Sarah, pulling her into a tight embrace. She felt Sarah's arms enclose around her, and Cora buried her face into Sarah's neck. "I love you so very, very much."

"Oh, my darling." Sarah's words were muffled against her own neck. They simply stood, holding each other close. Cora didn't know how much time had passed when Sarah's words flickered into her brain again. '...before I... Go on.'

"I don't want you to go." She whispered, a fresh stream of tears bursting from her eyes. She felt Sarah pull back slightly, wiping the tears away with a warm thumb.

"I have to, Cora... It's not my decision." Cora dropped her head, her cries causing Sarah to flinch. She stared at Cora for a moment, thinking desperately of a way to take away the need for her to cry.

"Would you dance with me?" Cora looked up, a smile cracking over her face as she nodded sheepishly. Sarah took her hand gently, and they began to move tenderly around the room. They were close, very close, and Cora could feel Sarah's warmth as they rotated slowly in the middle of the hall. It was the most beautiful moment of Cora's life. She closed her eyes and rested her chin on Sarah's shoulder as Sarah held her comfortingly in position. They didn't need music, the feeling of Sarah's presence was enough to soothe her, the sound of her breath the only noise she would ever need again. A moment as perfect as this, Cora knew it couldn't last forever. The questions that had rolled through her mind every second of every single day since that terrible night suddenly made an appearance.

"Why did you push me out of way?" she muttered, the beauty of the moment preventing her from opening her eyes.

"Because, my darling, you have so much to live for, so much to see." She paused for a second. "And the only thing I lived for... Was you. I love you so much that had something happened to you, I would have dropped dead beside you."

"But I love you with every part of my being... And now I am to be without you, alone until the day I can stay here with you."

"You aren't without me. You'll never be without me... But you have so much to see in the next few years, there are so many people who still need you down there. The girls, the staff, Robert..." Sarah paused when she felt Cora tense slightly. "You must forgive Robert, Cora. He loves you very much... You're going to need each other in the near future." Wet patches were pooling on Sarah's shoulder. "Don't cry, my love. Please don't cry." Sarah turned her head and placed a kiss on Cora's forehead. "You have so much of life left to see."

They continued their rotations around the hall in silence. The flow of Cora's tears slowed, and she allowed her eyes to rake over Sarah's face.

"Will you wait for me?" she whispered, locking their eyes together. A grin appeared on Sarah's face, and she held back a small laugh.

"Only if you promise to stay off the scotch," she laughed, happy to see Cora blushing behind a tiny smile. "You've never been able to handle it, you bloody noodle!" Cora laughed, bowing her head onto Sarah's shoulder before giving a sloppy nod.

"I promise." Sarah leant in gently and their lips joined. The warmth flowed between the two women, and the kiss lasted, for what could have been, an entire lifetime. If she could stay like this forever, she would be eternally happy.

"I have to go..." Sarah whispered, and Cora could feel the wetness of her tears on her face.

"No, please stay..."

"I'll be here, Cora, I promise I'll wait." Their lips joined again, and Cora's eyelids suddenly felt heavy. "I love you so very much." Sarah planted one last kiss on Cora's lips. "Goodbye, my darling."

Cora's eyes fell shut, and she felt as though her limbs were made of lead. Once again, she succumbed to sleep, and fell into complete darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

The air was no longer warm and comforting on her face, and the throbbing in her skull caused her to groan in pain. She knew straight away that she'd come crashing back down to reality, back into her scotch covered dress, back to the darkened room. The sunlight from outside was feebly shining against the drawn curtains telling Cora that she'd slept through the night. She shielded her eyes as she brought a weakened hand to her face, the stale stench of scotch burning her nostrils and causing her stomach to twist. She pushed herself up against the wall she was slumped down, a stab of pain shooting down her neck. She peered through her foggy gaze around the room, her eyes flickering over empty bottles on the dressing table, the pile of clothes in a heap in the corner, the drawn curtains blocking the sunlight. Her head throbbed as a pang of shame stabbed at her. She imagined Sarah's scowl at the state of the room and shivered. Doing her best to ignore the churning of her stomach, she pushed herself to her feet and got to work

The first thing she stumbled towards was the bathroom, the half drunken bottle of scotch in her hand. She unscrewed the top shakily, trying not to inhale the smell as she tipped it awa_y. "Will you wait for me?" "Only if you promise to stay off the scotch. You've never been able to handle it, you bloody noodle!"_ A slight breath of laughter escaped her pale lips as the last drop of it disappeared. She moved back into the bedroom and placed the now empty bottle beside its equally empty brothers. Her gaze flickered to the mirror, and she caught her own eye. The journey ahead was going to be crippling, but she had no choice but to prop herself up. Sarah's words rang in her head. _"... you have so much of life left to see."_ What good would it do for her to sit in darkness all the time? Would Sarah's sacrifice not be in vain?

Cora sighed, rubbing her face roughly. Baby steps, she thought, baby steps. She spent the early morning tidying about the room(as best she could). She opened the curtains, allowing the morning sunlight to flood through the open windows. She attempted to fold the pile of unkept clothes and put them back into place. She gathered the broken shards of the thrown glass and shuffled them into a small pile, and tidied up any odd bits that were littered on the floor. She rung the bell, unlocked the door and placed herself at the dressing table, fidgeting nervously with the hem of her nightgown. Then there was a timid knock on the door, and Mrs Hughes appeared around it.

"M'lady?"

Cora watched her through the mirror, trying her hardest to push a small smile to the surface of her face.

"Good morning Mrs Hughes... I was wondering if..." She paused, watching the housekeepers face desperately for any sign of judgement or disapproval. "... If you would help me prepare for the day?" She felt like a child, small and shy under the gaze of the older woman. Her worries were brushed away when a pleasant smile met her through the mirror.

"Oh course, m'lady." Her gentle exterior put Cora at ease, and she relaxed as Mrs Hughes headed towards her and began working on her hair. She worked in silence for a few moments, before looking up.

"It's good to see you up again, m'lady."

Cora said nothing for a moment, feeling a sudden rush of affection for the housekeeper. Sarah had never seen eye to eye with Mrs Hughes... In fact, she often expressed a few disgruntled opinions while stood in that exact place, but Cora was certain Sarah would appreciate Mrs Hughes gentle treatment of her at this moment.

"Life must go on." she muttered simply, her eyes dropping to her knees.

"Aye, it must, my lady."

Cora's appearance at the breakfast table caused a couple of uncertain glances from everyone in the room. She opened her paper, keeping her gaze on the words on the page. She found herself reading the same line several times, no information entering as her concentration focussed on the pressing atmosphere at the table. She put the paper down , glancing at Robert who immediately dropped his gaze to his own paper.

"You're up early, Mama." said Edith from beside her. Cora felt several pairs of eyes on her, and she brought her cup of tea to her lips self consciously.

"I have a couple of matters to attend to, I thought I'd start early." She gave Edith a small smile from behind her cup. She glanced quickly at Robert again, who this time held his gaze.

"It's good to see you." The corners of his mouth twisted into a small smile, and he returned his attention back to the paper.

Cora finished her breakfast, and instead of taking the usual route to her bedroom, she made her way downstairs into the servants hall. She presumed most of the staff were off performing their morning duties as the hall was empty. She tentatively stepped into the room, straining her ears for any sign of life. There was a sudden scraping noise, and the door leading to the back yard opened.

"Thomas."

The footman froze, a look of confusion appearing on his usual smug face. Cora noticed the lines around his eyes, the pale tones of his skin. He slowly closed the door behind him, the smell of a fresh cigarette wafting from his uniform. He said nothing, his calculating eyes watching her carefully.

"I was looking for Mrs Hughes..."

"She's upstairs in the drawing room, m'lady." His gaze never left her, and Cora felt a sudden uncomfortable shiver run down her spine. "Perhaps you could wait in her office while I fetch her?"

Cora gave a small smile. "I would appreciate that, thank you Thomas." She followed him back into the corridor and he led her to Mrs Hughes' office. He held the door open for her, but before he turned to leave, she looked back at him.

"Thomas... How are you?"

He said nothing for a moment, a small frown creasing his fod. His eyes raked over her face, and he seemed almost confused.

"I'll survive, m'lady." His lips curled into a small, appreciative smile, and with a small nod, he backed out of the small room. Alone, she stood somewhat awkwardly. She had been in this room a few times in the past, but she'd never been left alone, and she felt as though she was prying in the housekeepers private area. She wrapped her arms around herself, when something caught her eye on the opposite wall. A photograph. It was only small, propped up on a small shelf. Cora looked closer. The photograph had several people in it. The first she noticed was Carson - tall, and proud. Then Mrs Hughes next to him. Anna, Bates, Thomas, the various housemaids, Mrs Patmore, Daisy... And there, grumpy looking, unsmiling, scowling... Sarah O'Brien. Cora held back a choke at her expression. Typical O'Brien! She ran a finger carefully over her, tears prickling her eyes.

"I'm sorry to have kept you, m'lady!" Mrs Hughes suddenly entered looking rather flushed. Cora spun round, catching Mrs Hughes eyes flickering between her and the picture. "What can I help you with?"

"I was just wondering... About, well," she paused, trying to recompose herself. "Have you sorted Miss O'Brien's belongings out yet?"

Mrs Hughes watched her, a tiny frown flickering across her face. "Not yet, m'lady." she said quietly, dropping her gaze. "His Lordship thought it best for us to leave her room for now... He thought you'd want to go through it, being the person she was closest to."

She found it difficult to stop herself welling up at the housekeepers words. "May I..." Mrs Hughes nodded, flashing the Lady of the house a small smile.

"Of course, m'lady. I'll show you up there."

Cora followed Mrs Hughes up the stairs to the servants corridor in silence. They stopped only when they reached a door, which Mrs Hughes carefully opened. She stepped aside, allowing Cora to peer in from the door frame. Mrs Hughes said nothing else, but gave Cora an understanding nod. She turned away and left Cora in the corridor.

She could feel her legs trembling slightly as she stepped over the threshold of the room. The first thing she noticed was the low temperature... The room obviously hadn't been heated at all since Sarah had gone. The bed was made, but crumpled at the based where someone seemed to have been sat. There was a small box surrounded by all sorts of needles and rolls of cotton littered on the surface of the bed, and Cora recognised a couple of buttons that were identical to the ones on some of her dresses. One of the doors of the wardrobe stood ajar, and Cora could see the blackness of a dress poking out. She opened the door wider with a creak, running her hands down the rough material that Sarah had once lived in. There was a tattered pair of shoes at the bottom, and under that, a small brown box. Cora frowned slightly, taking the box out and placing it gently on the bed. A wave of guilt hit her, and she glanced at the door. Did she have a right to be looking through Sarah's thing like this? Well, surely someone had to do it... And the idea of anybody else touching Sarah's things suddenly sent a flash of anger through her.

She carefully took off the lid, peering inside to discover many pieces of paper, some yellowing with age, some quite new. Her hands trembled as she reached inside, pulling one out that seemed young.

_'C,_

_Words cannot describe the enormity of my love for you at this very moment. As I write, you are downstairs, planning your daring escape from dinner, and I am here, so very wishing that the night will hurry so I can be with you again. The happiness I feel when your hand is in mine is indescribable, and I shall never be sad again so long as I have your face in my memory. Oh darling, I love you so much. I am eternally yours,_

_S'_

Cora's breath caught in her throat, and she covered her mouth so she wouldn't be heard. Her eyes stung with tears, and she knew there was no point in her trying to hold them back. Her hands trembled as she raked her eyes over the words again and again, each time causing the flow of tears to thicken. She reached into the box again and pulled another letter out, then another, then another. Each new piece she read caused her heart to shatter and ache. _'I'm so scared, the Doctor isn't hopeful that you are going to wake up', 'You opened your eyes today... Only for a split second, but you are there, I know you are going to be back soon.', 'You seem to be back to your normal self... You smiled today for the first time in weeks.'_ She put the letters back into the box, sure that she could not carry on any more. These small relics, these tiny pieces of paper were all she had left to prove that Sarah O'Brien had indeed once existed, once lived and breathed, once sat at her desk and expressed her fears and hopes. Cora placed the lid on the box and picked it up. Before she left the room, she turned around for one last sweep. She could almost see Sarah sat at the end of her bed, some sort of needlework in her hand.

"Wipe your eyes, then." she could hear her saying, looking lazily over her work at her. "You don't want anyone seeing you like that, do you?"

Cora quickly wiped her face with the sleeve of her dress, attempting to dry away the wetness from the fallen tears. She held the box tightly to her chest.

"Goodbye, Sarah O'Brien." she whispered. The Sarah in her mind, sat at the end of the bed, looked up at her. She gave her a small wink, the corners of her mouth twitching into a small smile as Cora turned away, closing the door gently behind her.

**Thank you so much for taking the time to read this story. I haven't written anything in such a long time, so all I can do is apologise for any rustiness you may have come across in any of the chapters! :P I really enjoyed writing this, and I'm such a big fan of Downton Abbey(especially Sarah O'Brien and Cora!) Hopefully my writing will improve with every story, so I can't wait to get typing again! :D**

**And thank you so very much for those wonderful people who left very lovely reviews! They absolutely made my day. :)**

**All the best,**

**L xx**


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